Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts

Tuesday, May 27, 2025

YOUR WORDS

 



Are your words like fire spit in my face to burn

Or are they like rain to quench my thirst? 

My need for softness to soothe to heal the dry places-

Will your words pierce my flesh boring holes to my core?

Tell me? Use your inside voice to reach my heart…


Are your words ignited by the flame of desire?

Or are they cold like ice making it easy to turn your back

Leaving me Misery’s company.

The name you spit in my face is not the one

Given at birth yet you swear it belongs to me

Because you say so.

Speak to me from your heart…your inside voice.


Your words reflect you, don’t they?

Each syllable reflects your character-

The gut and realness that is you…not me!

Speak to me in you inside voice…you came 

Under false pretenses to be my beloved.

Yet, your words breathed from a dark place

Scorch and burn and leave a scar where my heart once yearned for you.


Use your Inside voice and write your goodbye’s so-longs 

and make your departure as I stay here to erase 

the essay you have written in my blood. 

My need for softness out weighs your presence

Go and never return…For your inside voice is 

Raspy and off -key, rough and dry…maybe

Next time your words will sing sweet music

Written just for me just to say, “I love you.”

Fearlessly approach me even though my ear may not

Be willing to listen and be willing to speak knowing that

Your return is too late! But speak…with your inside voice

Because you simply had…something…to say!


Photo credit: Kristina Flour for Unsplash


Thursday, October 24, 2024

WROTE IT

 




You wrote it, I lived it.

You took the credit,

I felt the pain.


You forgot I was here

But that’s not the worst part.

I forgot too. 


Didn’t remember that I mattered.

Instead, I bought the idea

I was an accessory.


Excessive, tossed and turned out.

About in the world alone when

I thought I had company.


Foolish I know, right?

You wrote it, I lived it,

died by it and refused to

admit the pain.


Photo credit: Louis Galvez for Unsplash


Tuesday, September 24, 2024

Was That My Heart Breaking?


 







I heard the noise, breaking the silence sounding like fireworks.

Was it the dawn crashing the darkness of night as day claimed its place?

Was it the clapping of hands to music that touched and warmed and made my feet move?


No, it was none of those things; it was my heart breaking.

Shattering in a million pieces and sticking to the ground as a reminder that the memory of what has happened cannot be blown away by the wind.


It was my heart, that thing that used to beat on purpose, and on time for you; because of you.

Now I must beg it to beat, and to keep pounding. 

Your absence has made things that used to be reflex, impossible.


I heard the noise it broke the silence like fireworks. 

I'd felt comfortable in the silence assuming I'd see you again.

Silence now only means sorrow. 


Your life was important only to me it seems and there are no more heartbeats, no more songs no more clapping of hands or feet dancing to your beat.

What was that sound, the cracking, the booming, ear-piercing noise?

The noise...that noise...cracking, 

and booming 

like fireworks

was my heart, 

breaking!


Photo credit: Claude Wolff for Unsplash



Sunday, June 30, 2024

BACK HOME



Arrogant irreverence to the facts and

writing the rules with invisible ink.

Set up for the mess up and 

I have no one else to blame.


Sweeping my soul’s floor with

blasphemous strokes of irretrievable

Rhetoric, I blew it, you knew it but 

You let me fall.


You said it was for my own good-

that big knot forming on my head.

Sometimes humility is found 

in the lowest of places and

so, I visit and stay awhile.


My recovery was not what I expected. 

I healed but still bear the scars.

The lessons are etched on the lonely

places in my heart.


Humiliated I sneak back home where

things have changed but you have not.

I’m ready to clean house, make room, 

and begin again.


Photo credit: Snapavelli for Nappy.com

Friday, June 21, 2024

AND THEN MORNING CAME

 



It was late.

The entire week had passed, and you hadn’t said a word.

You came and went as if I wasn’t there even as you grazed your shoulder against mine.


Our son was the witness…seeing how the only man he knew treated a woman.

This was your expression of love toward his mother…and mentally he took notes.


Then it was midnight on the seventh day, and you were ready to speak. 

So of course, you expected that I was too.  After all, the baby was down

the dishes done, and the laundry neatly folded in its place.


You’d mastered the art of saying a lot without really saying a thing.

You talked, I nodded and when you were finished, I noticed your bags packed and sitting in the dark corner near the door.


Your house key glistened on the table. I hadn’t noticed it before.

Perhaps the finality of your announcement made everything brighter.


“I’ll be back for the rest of my things,” You said.


I thought about the fact that you had convinced me to quit my job only days before

and we had to eat.  Your son needed diapers…milk…

It was odd that you had not mentioned those things in your ramblings.


“This time it’s you not me.” You said proudly happy to finally have the last word.


I saw you stuff the checkbook in your back pocket and the extra cash that we kept in the cabinet above the sink.


You thought of everything, except…


You forgot that I was strong. That I had been a survivor long before we’d met.

You forgot that you weren’t the beginning or the end of my world…just a part.


I knew love was never anything you understood or recognized.  

You wanted to be uncomfortable, angry, and so I was happy

that you had at last succeeded at something. 


And then it was morning. There was a knock at the door. It was Joy!


Photo credit: Sid Sun for Unsplash


Monday, May 6, 2024

MOTHERS

 




Mothers 

We bear the burden,

take the blame and get none

of the credit.


We lose sleep,

worry and wear the wrinkles.

We fix our faces with smiles,

and cry silent tears in the dark 

when everyone else is asleep.


We are the armor bearers,

the prayer warriors, the advocates, 

the encouragers, and the secret keepers. 

We are the providers sacrificing ourselves

for the unknowing, the clueless and the ungrateful!


We’re mothers doing what we must at all costs 

not for the plaques, the mugs, or the flowers, 

but because it’s who we are, it’s our calling. 


It’s how we love-fearlessly, hard, nonsensically. 

Indescribable, unthinkable, and tirelessly! 

No, thank-you expected because we signed up for this. 

Not always knowing how or why. 

Not knowing that the bad days 

often outweigh the good.


What we did know was that our love was enough. 

It had to be enough to get us and them through 

the good, the bad, and the in between. 

Just love, it was both our superpower and our kryptonite, 

our greatest joy and our deepest pain.


But it’s who we’ve become. 

Birthing nations and futures and possibilities. 

God chose us and gave us everything needed 

to complete the assignment. 

Yes, we’re mothers a crown we wear with honor. 


We know who we are! 

We are Queens with earthly kingdoms 

located within the possibilities of our offspring. 

We are diplomats, negotiating peace 

as effortlessly as ordering pizza. 

We are doctors and lawyers without the degrees,

Fighting and slaying dragons on our knees!


We are Mothers, Slayers, and Prayers.

Leaping tall buildings and loving just because.

Knowing what others did not,

that God had chosen and equipped us.

Then breathed breath into or desires.  

Giving us the stamina to do the work 

that feels like joy and hope and 

all things good! 


Thank you, Lord for the Crown of Motherhood!


Tuesday, April 16, 2024

DON'T GET COMFORTABLE!

 



Don’t get comfortable upon hearing about the misfortunes of another as if you’ve dodged a bullet. Sighs of relief are not in order when you learn of someone’s unfavorable medical diagnosis, or exposure because of a business decision gone bad or being caught for wrongdoing or being caught up in a scandal that is now the subject of conversation around the kitchen table and late-night phone calls. “I told you so’s’” or “serves them right’s,” that fall from our lips as if we’ve done nothing wrong, are ALL heard by God. 


The truth is that we are all guilty of something. None of us are immune from bad news from our doctors or safe from prison sentences because of past or present indiscretions. The fact that we are not sick or broke or in jail or humiliated is no cause to celebrate instead it is reason to take a moment to tell God, “thank you!” Life changes from moment to moment and what seems like sunshine today can become a torrential downpour tomorrow with absolutely no warning or forecast of rain.   


Photo credit: Katie Moum for Unsplash


Thursday, April 4, 2024

WHISPERS FROM A BROWN GIRL

 




Lord today I will not focus on the hurt nor give space and power to those responsible for that hurt. 

Today, Lord I will be thankful for the deliverance and healing from that hurt. 

The only name that will be allowed residence in my spirit today will be Yours! 

Thank You, Lord!

Amen. 

Photo credit: Natali Hordilik for Unsplash


Thursday, August 3, 2023

Too Late











Photo credit: Gabriela Gutierrez for Unsplash


It seems so easy to withdraw from relationships, life, moments. So easy to pretend that memories weren’t made in the name of love and friendship. It’s so easy, but it shouldn’t be.


It shouldn’t be okay to show caring attention to the details of someone’s life when they’re lying on sick beds and the family has been summoned. Then we kick our interest in gear. We want to know the details of why and how. We want to find out who was to blame for the current state of affairs.  It shouldn’t be okay, but it is.


Funeral homes and churches packed as we gaze at the stiff over-dressed bodies, that have been vacated by the spirits of our “loved ones.” We’re so eager to rush to the mic and speak of our fondest memories, list the things shared and impact made. This is not the time, or the place to prove our love...but too often it is and ... it’s too late.


I have attended my fair share of funerals in my lifetime, and I’m always irritated at the parade of people rushing down the side aisles of the church and waiting in line with others who proclaim to have known the deceased the best.  One by one, the anxious witnesses approach the podium, grip the mic with fervent determination and begin to illuminate on things long past.  The speaker is instructed to limit their reflections to no more than two minutes, yet even as they nod their understanding those of us in the pews know too well that the two-minute instruction will soon be forgotten. I can’t help but wonder, why, as I sit, well aware that the bench beneath me was made without any forethought that it would be inadequate to keep me and the others comfortable during times like these.


Two minutes have passed, my butt is aching and still, the speeches of love and respect are at a fever pitch; one trying to out due the previous. I wonder if such effort was made to make sure the dearly departed heard and received the flowers while they were alive and healthy enough to hear, smell and receive them. I can only imagine what it would have felt like to have been held in such high regard while they were still breathing. Hmmm...


I sat at the bedsides of both of my parents during their final days and I found myself doing an internal inventory. Did I make them proud did I disappoint them? Did I say all the things that needed to be said? I loved my parents beyond what made sense, but I wondered if I really let them know. I’m sure they knew when I was upset with them, but I wonder if they knew that most times, I was happy and honored to be their daughter. Did they know that I felt so unworthy and that I was certain that I had let them down? I knew their hopes were so high and so were their expectations...did they forgive me before they took their last breaths?


If I could do it all again. Funny, I think that’s what we are all trying to do when we stand at that podium at that homegoing service. We’re pleading for that second chance, that do-over. We need to publicly declare what we failed to declare during those private moments when there was no one else watching. Our shame and regret prompt us to stand and work our way down the side aisle and stand patiently waiting our turn to say the things that will never be heard by the only one who needed to hear it. It’s too late.


What would happen if our family and friends meant more to us than our egos and fragile feelings? What if we entered into relationships without an option to leave? Perhaps we would be required to adjust and re-evaluate, but we were committed to not cast each other off like last night’s garbage, as if there were other people standing in line to move into those places in our hearts that were already occupied. Evicting people from our hearts and our lives for no apparent reason to the evicted, makes us nothing but slum lords because what we claim to be protecting is nothing, but a wasteland filled with our own garbage that made love and life and peace impossible. We blame everyone else and refuse to take ownership. We convince ourselves that we are the prize even in our broken, messed up, prideful state and it should be a privilege to be in our lives, right? We need to believe that; we have to believe that because we have to be right anything else would destroy us...right? 


It’s too late to change the past, too late to speak words of love and appreciation to the dead but there are others who we’ve turned away from, stopped speaking to, stopped showing love to and others we’ve forgotten that if they had not been in our lives even for a little while, things could have been a lot worse.  We need to say, I’m sorry. We need to say, forgive me and we need to be honest that it’s nobody’s fault but our own, before it’s too late.


Monday, July 31, 2023

Parting Words

 

Heaven let herself into the small quiet house. It had been a few weeks since she’d been by to see her grandfather. This had always been a place of refuge for her growing up and even now under these circumstances, Heaven felt safe and at peace. 

Memories of her childhood flooded her as she slowly walked around the cluttered room. This was the place where her grandfather spent most of his time, reading, watching television, and writing in the old worn-out black leather notebook that never seemed to leave his sight. Even on the occasions when he would travel, the notebook would be tucked under his arm or secured in his backpack and slung over his shoulder. 

Heaven’s grandmother Elva had raised her when her parents had abandoned her shortly after her fifth birthday. She was a beautiful woman with skin the color of caramel and thick unruly curls that bounced on her shoulders whenever she moved. The men around the neighborhood loved her but she paid them no mind. That is until Jasper Collins moved into the vacant house around the corner. He was tall and thin with light green eyes and a wide toothy smile. 

Jasper had two sons and a daughter that lived on the other side of the country. He didn’t hear from them often and Heaven always wondered why. She could never understand why a man who was so kind and loving very seldom heard from his children. 

Heaven’s grandmother and Jasper married a year after they met and the three of them made Jasper’s small house home. It was cramped and Heaven was certain that it was a tough adjustment for the older man to get used to having a rambunctious child running around and turning his world upside down, but he loved Elva and he loved her too. 

Heaven lowered her small frame into the worn recliner and closed her eyes. This was the place where her grandfather spent countless hours with his notebook writing, while tuning the rest of the world out. It was during these moments that Heaven and her grandmother left him alone. He was a man who didn’t ask for much and so these moments were the least they could give him. This was the same chair where he would tell her stories of kings and queens and princesses, who were always named Heaven. 

Jasper Collins had been her hero and she loved watching her grandmother and the man love and care for each other. Heaven had no blood ties to the man, but he treated her as if she did. She belonged to him, just like his other children who Heaven had seen only a handful of times. They called only on holidays and to ask for money. The three would have to find another ATM, Heaven thought bitterly. 

Except for the last three weeks while she was away, Heaven would stop in a few times a week to spend time with him and to make sure that his errands were run, and his cabinets and refrigerator was full. The call from the hospital the night he died broke her heart, and she couldn’t help but feel that she had failed him somehow. 

“I’m so sorry, grandpa,” she whispered to herself while scrolling through his phone book for his children’s phone numbers. One by one, she called them, and each call sent her to voicemail. It reminded her that she wasn’t family; they’d each told her so in times past but the fact that they would not answer now, seemed to seal that fact in stone. 

Heaven glanced across the room to the dining room table. There sat the black notebook. She could only imagine what her grandfather must have felt not being able to grab it and take it with him as he was rushed out of the house to the hospital. It seemed to beckon for her to come and hesitantly, she stood and took the few steps toward it. 

She picked it up and cradled the soft leather to her chest. Suddenly the tears fell and the memories of a man who loved her for no reason and without obligation nearly knocked her down. She loved him too and she missed him. She was angry that his children had given up on him only seeing his value in a check. Even after her grandmother had died a few years ago, Jasper still loved her. 

“I love you grandpa; you’re with your girl now, but my heart still hurts!” She moaned the words while the tears made it hard to breathe. Then taking a seat at the table, Heaven opened the book. A small, yellowed business card was clipped to the inside cover. Written across the top in red ink in Jasper’s handwriting were three words, “Call if something happens.” Wiping the tears from her eyes and taking a deep breath she closed the book without going further and, she dialed the number. 

The next day, Heaven made the trip downtown. She wondered why a man of such meager means would need an attorney, especially this attorney with offices in the old and prestigious building. She felt grossly under dressed as she pulled the heavy glass doors open and walked inside. The air was heavy and old, but the dated décor was still beautiful and elegant and the woman behind the desk seemed to have been here as long as the building itself. 

“May I help you?” The woman followed the trail down her nose then toward Heaven waiting for an answer. 

“Yes, I have an appointment to see Mr. Hiram Schwartz.” 

The woman nodded knowingly and without looking at an appointment book or computer screen she picked up the phone and pressed a button. 

“Have a seat, Mr. Schwartz will be with you in just a moment.” 

Seconds later an elderly white-haired man appeared in the lobby. As ridged and suspicious as the receptionist seemed, the man, Hiram Schwartz, was quite the opposite. He smiled sadly with his eyes and gently called her name and waited for her to look up. 

“Heaven?” 

“Yes,” she stood as he approached her with his hand outstretched. She shook his hand and forced a slight smile in return. 

“Please follow me.” 

Grabbing her things, she followed the man down the long hallway to a surprisingly small office. The office was filled with wall-to-wall books. Other than the size it looked just as she imagined a lawyer’s office would look. 

“Please have a seat. I hope you brought the notebook.” 

Heaven wondered why it was so important that she bring it. It was the only thing she had of value left from Jasper and she would fight, if necessary, to keep it. 

“Yes Sir, I did,” pulling it from her bag. 

“May I?” He saw the fear and the fight in her eyes as she renewed her grip on the notebook. “I’ll give it back, I assure you.” 

Heaven handed the man the book and watched him slowly thumb through each page. Every few pages he would stop and smile or chuckle. 

“Jasper old friend, you were one of a kind.” He said to himself. 

Heaven nodded at the words. She’d watched him so many times at the dining room table or in his recliner, lost in thought and scribbling in the notebook as if his life depended on it. 

“Not to be rude, but why am I here? You must know that I was only related to Jasper by marriage.” 

“Oh, but you were much more than that to Jasper. He loved you like you were his own blood; maybe more.” 

“I loved him too. He was so good to me, the only grandfather I knew, the only father for that matter.” 

“Well to answer your question, Jasper left certain instructions in case the time came.” 

“You mean his death?” Heaven asked. 

“Yes, I was informed shortly after you were that he had passed away.” Hiram watched the young woman wipe away a few tears. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cry.” 

“Nonsense,” Hiram interrupted. “I can tell he meant a lot to you. He always spoke of you so fondly.” 

“Were you and my grandfather, I mean Jasper friends?” 

“Yes, yes indeed. We’ve been friends since college and I must be honest, I’m going to miss him deeply.” 

“I’ve tried calling Jasper Jr., Elias and Devan but all I get is their voicemails and they haven’t returned my calls.” 

“Not to worry, I’ll handle them.” Then Hiram pulled a white envelope from his desk and handed it to Heaven. Puzzled she took it. It had her name written across it in her grandfather’s handwriting which made her gasp. 

“I know you’re wondering why I insisted you bring the notebook.” 

“Yes.” 

“Your grandfather was quite the prolific writer, and this notebook is filled with amazing stories. Before Jasper died, I convinced him to have the stories published and he agreed.” 

Heaven looked down at the notebook and for the first time in her life, she began turning the pages. Hiram smiled as he watched the amazement in her eyes as she explored the pages. 

“These are the stories he used to tell me when I was a child!” 

Hiram nodded, yes. 

“He wanted to leave something to the little girl who had meant so much to him. The girl who had grown up to be a remarkable young woman who always cared for him and never ever asked for anything in return.” 

Heaven broke down as she continued to thumb through the pages remembering the nights on his lap cuddled close this chest. She could hear his heartbeat speed up as he told her the most amazing stories. It made perfect sense now why he never read them from a book. 

“I think you should open the envelope now.” 

Heaven slowly closed the notebook, still overcome with what she had seen inside and opened the envelope. It was a check. 

“I-I don’t understand. This is a check for twenty-thousand dollars!” 

“I found a publisher who wants to publish the stories in your grandfather’s notebook. The twenty-thousand dollars is the advance for the book rights. Jasper wanted you to have it and all the royalties from the book when it’s published.” 

“I don’t know what to say,” she said tearfully. “I’m not his blood. Won’t his children fight this?” 

“It’s all legal; Jasper made sure of it. There’s nothing anyone can do to change it.” 

“Twenty-thousand dollars. He didn’t have to do this for me. I’d give it back right now if it would bring him back.” 

“He knew you would say that.” Hiram laughed. 

“He did?” 

“Yes, you two were kindred spirits, and it didn’t matter if you weren’t related by blood. You two were related by the heart and that’s what really matters in the end.” 

Hiram also gave her three envelopes with checks for a thousand dollars each addressed to Jasper’s adult children and even after Heaven left several more detailed messages about their father’s death, it was three days before Jasper, Jr., Elias, and Devan returned her calls. She assumed that their calls were prompted more by the meager amount of their father’s final gift than any concern for a man who had died alone without a chance to make amends or to say goodbye to them. 

Heaven had no idea what had gone wrong between Jasper and his family, and she never would. Now her life consisted of fulfilling her grandfather’s wishes of sharing his stories with the world. Stories that had filled her childhood with love and laughter and adventure. Stories of kings and queens and princesses named Heaven. It wasn’t about DNA or blood, but it was everything about the willingness to allow a little orphan girl a place in an old man’s heart that had been created and reserved for her since the beginning of time. 

The End.


Tuesday, March 28, 2023

The Consequences Of Spending Time With A Three-Year-Old

 I am one of the countless grandmothers who are caretakers of grandchildren. While I never expected to be called into service like this, I relish it. I’m sure that many grandparents found their worth affirmed when the COVID-19 pandemic forced the world to reassess everything in our lives. Parents became teachers and providers all at the same time and grandparents were seen as valuable contributors able to step in and take up the slack for parents who needed free, able-bodied back up.


My home became a haven and a school and even though I do not have formal training I became a teacher, counselor, and an educational stand-in to a three-year old that is wise beyond her years. She has refused to let me go into old age gracefully or without a fight. My emotions are stirred and scrambled as I watch her challenge boundaries and calculate the distance between my patience and my sanity. She has kindly and confidently declared that she is the boss and while observing the way she gracefully navigates life, I have to admit she is absolutely correct!


The consequences of spending time with a 3-year-old are that you are forced onto your knees or on the floor to see the world from their level. Funny how the world looks from here. 

From a child’s point of view, everything is possible! Barbie can talk, she and Ken have a perfect marriage and their children are named Bluey and Bingo and look like blue and orange puppies. 


When I get distracted by the pinging of my cell phone or thoughts of upcoming bills or impending doom, I’m gently pulled back into her world by one sweet phrase, “grandma let’s play!”


The consequences of hanging out with a three-year-old is that I realize that I like to draw and color even if I can’t do either one very well. I understand that it’s not about my skill level and everything about the time and attention and looking into my granddaughter’s eyes when I speak to her and the revelation that she knows when my nods and grunts mean that I’m not paying attention at all.


We must pay attention because if we don’t, we will miss the real meaning of life and purpose that only a child can teach us. The lesson is, is that life is short and sweet and moments with grandchildren are precious because they are precious! They teach us that the truth still matters, and they are perfectly willing to tell it. They also teach us that love is not just reserved for one day in February, that love has nothing to do with color and everything to do with surrendering our hearts to see love in absolutely everything because everything can talk like Barbie and anything and anyone can be your child, even puppies that are blue and orange, and everyone can be family or your best friend! And nothing else matters except hugs and kisses and snacks and eye contact! 


When we take the time to look into a child’s eyes, we don’t have to look deep because everything that’s important is front and center. When our grown-up tainted minds and hearts still don’t understand, then all we have to do is wait for that tug on our leg and the sweet request, “grandma let’s play!”  I smile and wonder where she has gotten the energy while at the same time praying for more of the same. Then glancing at the clock, I calculate the time between nap time and now, I grab Barbie’s husband from her hand and acquiesce to the truth that yes, she is the boss! 

These are the consequences of hanging out from time to time with a three-year-old; you’ll be tired, you’ll feel old, but you will also feel joy beyond anything that makes sense. Finally, I learned that not all consequences are bad, some teach us patience and love and possibilities, and some reintroduce us to the child that still lives inside us.


Now, those are consequences that I can live with!


Monday, March 27, 2023

I Wrote You

 Excerpt from 

K IS FOR KENNEDY

A Love Letter From a Grandmother To A Grandson

Scriptures, Poems & Words of Wisdom for life’s journey


I Wrote You

(A love letter from God)


I wrote you.


 Created the page and then I spit your story on the empty surface.


From my imagination I formed your story and breathed life like commas so that your journey would make the world sing and dream of me!


I wrote you.


Made A to Z so that I could explain that you have no explanation except that

You are wonderful and in my image for 

when I saw you in my mind

You looked like me.


I wrote you…with limitless indelible ink and then

I read what I had written and I smiled and cried all at the same time.

For I already knew that you would desire 

to rise above the paper and above me.


And when you discovered that you could not fly without me you would fall.


I wrote you as I made room for you in my book of purpose

and I loved my creation created to create and be.

You are amazing more than you know or believe and that too makes me cry.


Fearlessly made yet you are fearful.

Powerful yet, powerless and so 

your riches, which are your inheritance

lay wasted.


Why? It doesn’t have to be because, I wrote you,

created the paper, the words, the story and when it’s all

said and done, I hold the period to be placed at the end of your story.


The Strong One


I am the strong one.

The one who worries and plans

For everyone else’s care.


The phone rings sounding the alarm

I hear the panic and my heart stands still.

No sacrifice too great.


I am the unofficial manager of lives

All accept my own. There’s no time 

You see for me, the strong one.


I listen, I pray standing in the gap.

I fret, lose sleep all in the name of love.

I am the one necessary element in everyone’s lives.


But I’m not.

Not needed for the joys, and thoughts

The parties and the jobs,

Not a factor until something goes wrong.


Then I am to blame

I’m expected to fix

Even if no one has really asked.


It’s my job any how

Besides, who else will do it?

Who else knows how?


I am the strong one.

The one no one calls just to say hi.

The last one content with being last.


It’s okay, really, I don’t need the concern

I freely show others.

I’m strong and that fact is my comfort.


I live an ugly truth no one can know.

Sometimes I am weak, I want to fold

But the calls don’t come.


There are times when I seek 

The ear, the shoulder that look.

No one wants to give me what I need.


But I’m the strong one

And because I am strong

I keep smiling, staying on my post.


I often wonder as I caress the nuzzle

Run my finger across the blade or

Toy with the safety cap…

…when will the call come and will 

it be

too 

late?


Excerpt from:

Messages To The Woman In The Mirror Published April 2020



The Harrisons


It was six o’clock. In the Harrison household dinner was served at six o’clock; always. One by one the three Harrison children descended the long, majestic staircase and without looking up from their expensive cell phones, headed toward the formal dining room. It was impressive to watch the two older teenagers maneuver the distance without running into the doorway or furniture. Reba, the eight-year-old and perhaps the wisest of the bunch, shook her head in disbelief, bringing up the rear and taking her place at the table. Her siblings hadn’t said two words to her all day and the silent treatment continued as they waited for dinner to be served.

Fran Harrison, the mother entered the room and placed a large white serving bowl filled with green beans on the table next to a glistening rump roast trimmed with roasted red potatoes and carrots; picture perfect, almost too pretty to eat. Then, without glancing at the empty chair at the head of the table, Fran took her seat and placed the white linen napkin on her lap.

It was 6:15. Reba, glanced at the clock above her mother’s head. Dad was late; again. Reba whispered a quick prayer, in hopes that her father would arrive soon, and dinner would begin peacefully.

For as long as Reba could remember and in all the eight years of her life, dinner was served promptly at 6. Things had changed. In fact, things had been changing for quite a while in her family. The rules set in stone by her mother, were eroding, and becoming less important in a family that seemed less and less like a family with each passing day.

“Let’s get started before the food gets cold,” Fran Harrison ordered dryly exhaling in a familiar huff.

Her children sat around the table like zombies; products of her and her husband’s overindulgence. The three had everything, and each one of them was a textbook example of ungrateful entitlement.

“Put the phones down!” She growled.

As if she’d said nothing, the two continued to send texts to their friends. Fran was furious, she had no one to blame but herself and her husband.

James had promised that he would be on time. Fran hadn’t believed him even though he’d placed a hard lingering emphasis on the word, promise. Fran had long stopped believing the man whose workday seemed to last well into the evening. 

Reba looked around the table as her mother placed food on their plates. Her brother and sister were so into their phones that neither of them cared that their father had not arrived.

“I said, put the phones down, now!”

Again, the two teens ignored their mother.

Reba was young but she was old enough to understand that things were not running smoothly in the Harrison household. Fran saw the questions in her youngest’s eyes, and she saw the wisdom too. She was wise enough to keep her questions to herself. Maybe their family was too far gone, beyond even the inquisitive nature of an eight-year-old child.

Reba slowly picked at the food on her plate. If there was anything that could save the evening it was the fact that her family had plans to join her grandmother at church for a midnight Christmas service. It had been months since they’d all been to church, a once weekly occurrence. It would be great to see Grandma Oma; she always had an encouraging word and right now, Reba needed to hear something good. Something that would make her believe that her family would get better.

James turned the key in the door and stepped inside. Even though they’d purchased the home several years ago, he was still in awe at what his hard work had allowed him to purchase for his family. He had worked hard pulling himself up by his bootstraps, deftly stepping over the other eager mortals struggling next to him as they climbed the same ladder in the pursuit of success. 

Over the years James had been single-minded in his pursuit and it had come at a cost. Today, like so many others, James had returned home late. The family had plans to attend a midnight Christmas service with his mother which if he were to be honest, he was dreading. There were much better ways of spending his time, like wrapping up some unfinished business at the office.

Fran watched her husband enter the room, and quickly take his seat at the head of the table. She was furious. He hadn’t even greeted her or their children, instead he pulled his phone from his pocket and made a call.

“You’re late.”

Shooting an irritated glare at his wife, James held up a finger to silence her interruption.

“You’re late!” She repeated, this time louder.

With a big huff James ends the call and shoves the phone back into his pocket. Reba felt her heart skip and the sleeping butterflies in her stomach take flight.

“Didn’t you see me on the phone?”

“You promised me you’d be home on time for dinner!”

“Fran, please not now! It’s been a helluva day and I’m not in the mood for this!”

“I’m getting sick and tired of you putting your work before this family, James!”

“My work makes all this possible! Look around you, this house, the cars, the money in the bank! My work did that!”

“So, I suppose that makes everything okay, right? This family is suffering, we’re dying on the vine so that you can do what, make more money?”

“I’ll remind you of that the next time you want to fly off to Paris with your girlfriends for the weekend!”

Reba stared at her parents with her mouth open. She wanted it to stop; the arguing between her parents had become an all too familiar scene lately, but this argument was the worst. Even her siblings were paying attention, suddenly finding something more interesting than their cellphones.

For the next few minutes Reba watched her parents, it was like a tennis match, back and forth with no end and no winner. Nothing good would come of this; nothing at all.